Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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