my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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