It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
