ya dads aren't the best wingmen
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
