There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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