drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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