Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
