in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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