the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
