Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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