i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.