just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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