i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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