My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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