nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
