My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
