even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Bring me that man meat
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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