OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
