But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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