I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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