Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
