every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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