Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
