I'm pants shitting drunk right now
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
