It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
