Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
