Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
