I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
