I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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