I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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