youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
