Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
