While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
