The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
