I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
