you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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