Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Boobs speak an international language.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
