I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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