just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
