I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
