Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You made out with two different species that night
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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