Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
