i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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