so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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