haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
