you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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