Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
