can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
