i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
