Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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