I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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