Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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