If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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