Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
