whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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