fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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