"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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