Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
