the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
