im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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