I heard we made out
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
