If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
