He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
as a side note pls kill me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
