trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
