see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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