In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
cat food counts as protein by the way
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
