Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
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is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
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Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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