yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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