All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
