if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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