i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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