I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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