well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
