Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
