On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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