I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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