That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
