I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
