dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
