Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
