i think i have herpe
just one?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
